The Greatest Basketball Player on Earth
Who is the greatest basketball player of all time? Chamberlain? Russell? Jordan? Magic? Bird? Abdul-Jabbar?
Certainly all are worthy choices and there are no doubt several other names that could be added to the debate. Let me save you the trouble however, because whoever you choose is wrong. Unbeknownst to you, there is a player who stands as a giant among men. A player whose name means more to humanity than simply points and rebounds. A player so skilled and graceful that most teams forfeit in the first half rather than impede his artistry on the court. Every game is a quintuple double, every season ends in championships, every company desires his endorsement. He is no longer known by a first or last name, he shed those earthly constraints long ago. All know him as...Slam 20.
This is the only known photo of Slam 20 and it shows him dunking so hard that time itself froze and turned into a greenish ooze that begged Slam 20 for his autograph. In this photo we also see Slam 20's signature catch phrase "In Yo Face." He has ceased using any other English words and now uses this lone sentence to address mankind. One of the great mysteries of Slam 20 is that he is never seen outside a basketball arena, leading many to believe he has a secret identity. I discovered this identity back in 2001 and published my findings in the most popular basketball research journal of the day, Slamenomics. Here he is as his alter-ego, Kordell Stewart.
While the casual observer is no doubt fooled by the number 10 (instead of 20) and the use of the word "Your" instead of "Yo," it is obvious that Slam 20 planted these clues as he had grown tired of a non-dunking sport. Imagine if Slam 20 had focused solely on basketball and forsaken the call of the gridiron! He would probably have defeated George W in 2000 and moved the capital from Washington to Slamtropolis. Now we shall never know.
We shall now explore when and how to use "in Yo Face" and "Slam 20!" in everyday conversation. Both phrases should never be spoken in a drab or monotone voice, but hurled out of your mouth like a three pointer towards the basket. Let's try!
1. You have just experienced a positive experience
Correct: "Slam 20!"
Incorrect: "I am pleased by this positive experience."
2. You have won an argument, burned someone, or passed gas
Correct: "In Yo Face!" or "Slam 20!" is acceptable.
Incorrect: "In your face, In the face, Your face is ugly, Slam number 20, Slam 21, Kneel before Zod."
3. You are greeting a friend or acquaintance
Correct: "Slam 20!"
Incorrect: "Hello, Hey, What's up, How are you, Good to see you."
4. You pass a slow driver, get the last item at the supermarket, or cook pasta perfectly al dente
Correct: "In Yo Face!" or "Slam 20!" is acceptable.
Incorrect: Anything else
5. You look in the mirror
Correct: "In Yo Face!"
Incorrect: "Hey there good looking!"
posted by Ryan @ 9:30 AM
2 Comments:
well, as there had been no comments left, about this phenom known as "slam 20", i must disagree with you about his known identity being kordell stewart, simply because this guy was awful at football, and any man able to freeze time resulting in the creation of heavenly goo cannot be so terrible at football that he was unable to start for not only the chicago bears, but also the baltimore ravens, regardless of being on the cover of the original blitz game. your extensive research has turned out to be invalid. i apologize for being the root of your knowledge of your own failure. i digress though. perhaps "slam 20" simply wanted to hide his greatness by playing football.
the real scott c.(i have long hair and do not shave my head)
I believe the identiy of 'Slam 20' lies with 'The Bus'...as Mo-Town is believed to be the true birthplace of Slam 20...The Bus has chosen to close out his career, not is SBXL (as many would lead you to believe), but in an Old Fashion game or H-O-R-S-E. I have learned this event will take place immediately following the Steelers 34-17 victory. For you see, Slam 20 is The Bus's cousin!
Post a Comment
<< Home