The Mojobrand Interview

Two weeks ago I received an email from Kamork who suggested I submit my resume to Mojobrand as they were trying to fill a position within their MR Department. MR of course, is short for Monkeyfriend Resources. No one wants me to get a job more than Kamork; he gets a new tail if Mojobrand hires one of his referrals. After making the bed one morning I slid my resume behind the pillows where Mojo sometimes hides during the day and headed downstairs. I hadn't heard from Mojo and had forgotten all about it when he emailed me Wednesday. Here's what the email said:

Dear Ryan:

I was pleased to hear of your interest in Mojobrand and eek eek eek! I am sorry for the delay in responding, but your daughter has been clinging to me as of late; mesmerized by my hypnotic glass eyes and prone to place my entire face in her mouth. As my sovereign lord and master these past eight years you haven proven to be a trustworthy contact among the busy world of mankind. Mojobrand has benefited greatly from your lax drug policies and your unknowing approval of dangerous research done to your body while you sleep. Here is a brief description of what we are looking for in our MR Department:

Ability to obtain and maintain the banana payroll
Determine quarterly analysis on the freshness of incoming bananas
Construction of benefits plan focusing on investments in small shiny things
Find out who keeps pooping in my bottom desk drawer
Evalute and revise the safety policy to address: Ways to avoid being peed on by Zoe, Post-Sheridan slobber cleanup, lint extraction from paws and fur, and ways to avoid Giant Kamork's insidious pyramid schemes
Steal things for us
Maintain our Tivo season pass manager and Netflix rental queue
Keep Shoulders out of the executive washroom
Assist in company-wide transition from wallets to money clips
Other duties and responsibilities as they arise

I'd love to speak with you Friday and if you need to contact me before then, you can reach me at furrylittleman@mojobrand.net

We met this morning at Starbucks, which recently opened a location in our laundry room/pantry.

Mojo: Thanks for coming
Ryan: Thanks for agreeing to see me
Mojo: Let's cut to the chase - would you be willing to work for free?
Ryan: No
Mojo: I think we both know you wouldn't be a good fit here
Ryan: I'm not even sure you operate a real business
Mojo: Your mom runs a business!

Mojo threw his banana-lint latte at me and climbed to the top shelf of the pantry and rained down cans of soup on me until I left. The important thing for me to remember is that interview experience is valuable, no matter how much scalding coffee is splashed onto your face.