Grocery Store Jams

Walking through HEB this morning all was quiet. All you could hear were the bits and pieces of everyday conversations; a mother encouraging her child to retrieve a can of green beans, a manager asking why the stocker-boy put pumpkins in the dairy aisle, the frustrated musings of the woman who cannot find frozen bread dough. These innocuous pleasantries lured me into a state that left me completely unprepared for what happened next. The cackle of the speakers told me that the grocery store DJ was getting ready to peddle his wares to the customers. And then, like a dove descending from the heavens, I wash awash in the most awesomely cheesy smash hit from 1987, "Always" by Atlantic Starr. Before the internet and 1000 different specialty radio stations we all heard the same awful music, together, as one people. So I know you know this song. If you can't recall it go to iTunes and give it a listen. Don't forget the extra "r" in Starr.

I'm not going to lie to you, when the opening notes smothered my ears I giggled. They just don't write songs like this anymore. Lost in our iPods we have become immune to the cheesy love song - gaggles of instruments, eight person harmonies, and some of the most awkward lyrics you'll ever hear. While the premise of the song is sweet, I cringed when I heard "Come with me my sweet, let's go make a family." That's right, he went there. He couldn't even make it through the song without begging for sex. Sadly, the female lead seems delighted with the suggestion and I assume that during the end of the song they are already twisted together on the studio floor, a mass of humanity struggling to fulfill their burning passions and still trying to hit the high notes as the song fades out.

So, if you want to revisit the shameful yesterdays of pop music, I suggest you make a run to the grocery store. Because as Muzak maven Belinda Carlisle may remind you when you go, Heaven is a place on Earth.