The Revenge of Master

Mojo here and let me tell you, I've seen better days. Master was not pleased to discover I had been ghostwriting for him and was even angrier to discover the horrible truth about his toothbrush. He waved his arms and jumped up and down and droned on and on about having a job and a baby and a sleep-deprived wife who daily plotted his demise. These lame excuses didn't fly with me or the rest of the monkeyfriends and I suspect that they don't fly with you either. Who starts a blog that literally tens of people read and then takes an extended hiatus when times get hectic? Sounds like something Shoulders would do. I ran to Starbucks and got Master a reconciliatory cup of coffee and we had a good chat about the future of the blog. He promised me he was going to get back into regular writing very soon and that he even had some ambitious video ideas. That's good because when the red light is on, this monkey will go Bobby De Niro on all you fools.

Despite my Jimmy Carter-like efforts, Master did not agree on a peace accord and saw fit to punish me. First he threw me in the washer for my first bath in two years. This was particularly devastating as my current blend of stale fur, crusted banana, and Aqua Velva was driving the ladies wild. I emerged from the dryer hours later thinking I had paid my dues but the worst was yet to come. Master decreed that to earn complete forgiveness I would have to fight Sheridan in a no-holds-barred battle royale. The winner would be rewarded with hours of snuggling, the loser would endure no diaper changes for the rest of the day. There was no way my new clean fur was going to be soiled so I went at Sheridan with attack paw aimed squarely at her chubby cheeks. She immediately performed a Vulcan death grip on me!



I was trapped and unable to do my signature wrestling move, "The Howler." I began to panic. There was little time for that however, as Sheridan pinned my attack paw and applied pressure to my leg fur, preventing me from whipping her with my tail.



I could feel all that snuggling slipping away as Sheridan pinned me to her chair, and gnawed my foot until I begged for mercy.



I see how it is. I try to step in and keep this blog going that has my name attached to it and this is what I get. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go introduce a dirty diaper to a toothbrush