New Mojobrand editor

After much consideration, we have decided to allow Sheridan to edit some entries for the blog. She is thrilled and has adapted her schedule quite nicely to the demands of the job.



Sheridan's first order of business was to coat the keyboard in a layer of high productivity drool. This really enabled her to smash the keys much easier as she screamed loudly at the screen. As for her goals for Mojobrand, Sheridan had this to say:

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Short and to the point, just the way I like it. In other news, Sheridan has moved on to level three diapers and has begun to fill them with level 10 dumps. She also has rolled over again, bringing her grand roll-over total to two. Zoe allowed Sheridan to pet her yesterday and didn't even meow or hiss when Sheridan attempted to use her wiggler death grip to pull out an enormous hunk of fur. Zoe understands that even human kittens have a learning curve for proper cat etiquette. Sheridan does seem to approve of Zoe's method of cleaning, as anytime she sees Mojo she immediately puts him in her mouth and bathes him. Mojo has never looked so clean nor smelled so much like burped-up milk.

Sheridan and I are also enjoying a terrific new game we created. She lays on her fun mat on top of a large super soft blanket and I wrap her up in it so only her face is visible. Then she yanks the blanket over her eyes until I request she reveal herself. She gazes at me and when I squeal her name she freaks out and I nuzzle & snuggle her until she punches me in the face and the process repeats itself. I probably will never win the lottery, but that huge smile and the high pitched laughs of delight are worth untold riches.

Toys I used to love: Part 1

The Transformers were a seminal part of my childhood, teaching me that there was always more than meets the eye. What fourth grader didn't spend hours wishing his school bus would transform into an evil robot and crush the school beneath his metal boots? How many times did I get up from the dinner table and make that horribly awkward transforming noise as I changed before my family’s eyes into a jet and flew to my room? They may have been separated into Autobots and Decepticons but to me they existed as air and water; two staples I had to have to make it through another day of elementary school drudgery.

We lived in Germany during the height of the Transformer craze so bootlegged copies of the cartoon had to be smuggled in by dads who had to go to the states for work. Each fifteen pound VHS tape was like a page from the holy book of the Transformomicon and I watched them over and over, wishing I could be an animated robot. The toys were also hard to come by, as I was a fourth grader with no income. A sticky situation that could only be resolved through the power of...Santa! That glorious fat man would come through in spades during Christmas '85 as my favorite transformer of all came into my possession. Through the magic of comics I had closely followed the Transformers saga and watched as all the robots ceased functioning at the end of issue four. Without new energy they were weak and vulnerable and were all quickly vanquished by the incomparable Shockwave, a take-no-guff Decepticon who only looked out for number one.



A giant purple flying space-gun who transformed into a one-eyed hulking menace with a cannon for an arm? It was love at first sight. I was so excited to find him Christmas morning I yelled so loud the people upstairs heard me. Once I discovered that my mechanical friend also took batteries and made laser noises, I transformed my clean pajamas into dirty ones.

Ryan Triumphs Over The Crud

My dreams of posting an exciting weekend recap went awry as I became crippled by the medical condition known only as "The Crud." With gallons of gatorade in my stomach and pills on my tongue I now bring Mojobrand up to speed.

The Shins on Friday night were great, although my own aging is taking over. Couldn't have everyone enjoyed the show if the band had come out at say, 6 PM instead of 11 PM? Despite coming out several hours past my bedtime I was kept alert and aware thanks to hundreds of stinky people, humidity as thick as yak fur, the combined fog of a thousand cigarettes mixed with pot, and the awesome sight of several girls dancing and thrashing about as if a mouse was running wild in their pants. Other observations from the show:

1. I find it odd that the lead singer and songwriter (James Mercer) almost never spoke on stage. It seems that singer-man is usually the main talker on stage and does all the mindless jibber jabber between songs, but not the case with James. And, he wasn't in the center of the stage like most other singer-men. He was all the way to the right, where I would expect to see the usually unexciting bass player. Perhaps he is very quiet and introspective and despite being an amazing performer, prefers to be low key most of the time.

2. I almost went 5 for 5 with my fave Shins tunes, only to have my number one song get the shaft! How could they not play "Fighting in a Sack?" This was the only disappointment of the evening. I thought after playing "One by One All Day" I was a cinch to bat 1.000 but I was mistaken. Boo on mistaken!

3. It always frustrates me to see television/radio dominated by diseased meat-bags like the Simpson sisters, J-Lo, the latest catchy rap jingle, or latest flavor of the week boy-crooner suck wad. It's awesome to see a great band get their due and have tons of folks out there to witness & support them. There may be hope for this society yet.

In other news, both the Wiggler and I battled sickness all week. Sheridan's crud manifested itself in hacking cough form, prompting us to rethink giving her the Lil' Camel non-filtered nico-pacifier she cries so loudly for. That's all for today. Get back to work!

Thursday and Me

Here are the latest happenings in the world of Mojobrand:

Sheridan appears to be cutting teeth, which has increased her fussiness 60%. Mojo is hard at work in his under-the-bed laboratory trying to prove that Sheridan is actually pushing an attack paw out of her mouth. The results promise to be shameful. 2 weeks ago Sheridan rolled over for the first time and that was exciting until we realized it was just a fluke as she's been roll-over free since.

Through three weeks of Weight Watchers and exercise, Ryan has decreased in blob-like fatness by 13.5 pounds. If you hate diets and also desire to be less blob-like then I highly recommend WW. It's not really a diet, it just encourages healthy eating and portion control. Concepts I was unaware of as I tried to break the world record for chocolate chips consumed in a twelve hour period last month. In case you are curious, here are weight loss programs I do not recommend:

Shouldersbrand lint only diet
Sheridan's poop it out as fast as you eat it diet
Kamorkbrand cut off your tail to lose weight diet
The Mojo Beach Diet

This Friday Samantha and I will leave for San Antonio with the Wiggler and then I will drive back to Austin Friday night to catch the Shins in concert. The show should tide me over until the new album comes out in January. Ryan's Top 5 Shins songs:

1. Fighting in a Sack
2. When I Goosestep
3. One by One All Day
4. Know Your Onion!
5. Kissing the Lipless

The next day I head back to San Antonio for a day of weight gain and football watching with my dad unless of course Kamork is hogging the remote.



That night we'll go to the A&M/Army game in the Alamodome and then back to Houston on Sunday. Please do not use this information to break into our house this weekend and steal our cat.

New goals for Mojobrand

Since the arrival of Princess Sheridan I have found myself unable to think clearly or write anything at all. I attribute this phenomenon to several things:

1. Excessive baby talk to Sheridan has made parts of my brain shut down completely
2. Sheridan waking up every few hours screaming for her pacifier has robbed me of sleep
3. I am doing weight watchers and exercising regularly so my body is slowly losing my extra-creative fat cells
4. Mojo feels very neglected

Anyway, I am setting a new goal of posting at least five times a week so I can stay focused. Also, I have set a new goal of never driving again and have hired a full-time chauffeur